Living Confidently in the Lord
Love and Marriage
October 18, 2009
Pastor Durk K. Peterson
Alleluia! Lutheran Church
St. Michael, MN
1 Corinthians 13:1-13
(slide 1)
1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.
(slide 2)
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
(slide 3)
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
(slide 4)
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. -
To begin this morning I am wondering how many of you have been to wedding in the last year? Two years? Five years? I would invite you to imagine this couple today. Bring them to mind. Recall the sights, the sounds, the emotions, the words, the music.
This morning we continue our sermon series entitled Living Confidently in the Lord. Today we will look at Love and Marriage. What does it mean to live confidently in the Lord in marriage? Or, if you're not married, to support others in their marriage? What difference does Jesus make for marriage today? Marriages here at Alleluia! and throughout our community?
First of all I want to tell you that I just love weddings. The reason I love weddings is that the services are filled with such joy, such celebration, people smiling and happy for the couple. Everyone dressed up and decorations everywhere. Oh, and the food and the music that happen bring the day alive.
When helping couples plan their service I often will say jokingly, yet seriously, "Yes, your service will be perfect.” Perfect because it is God's service after all and God has brought you together for a reason. All the preparation comes together. Oh, yes, I could tell you wedding stories. It is also a great opportunity to preach the good news of Jesus.
I also enjoy working with couples getting ready for marriage. In working with the couples I am able to help them identify their strength areas and the areas they need to work on in their future as husband and wife. Most often I will lead a marriage classes in which couples getting married in the upcoming year have a chance to get to know one another better and better. One of my requirements is for couples to watch the movie License to Wed starring Robin Williams. He plays a priest names Father Frank who takes the couple through counseling and interacts with them in some challenging and surprising ways.
In fact, just this last Saturday I presided at a wedding right here in the Historic Church. The wedding for Jennifer Weiss and Travis Dahlheimer. Travis is the son of Pam and Kent Bjorkland., who are members here at Alleluia. It was a huge wedding with the church nearly packed. The music was awesome. The couple beautiful. The wedding party large- 8 on both sides. They shared their vows and everyone witnessed their vows. It was a wonderful celebration and time of worship as we thanked God for their commitment and love. As we celebrated their love, our focus all the while was on God and his Son, Jesus Christ.
My friends, as I’ve said numerous times, we at Alleluia! need to keep our eyes focused on Jesus. And the same is true for marriage. In marriage we need to stay focused on Jesus. Yes, we need to see our Lord Jesus at the heart of marriage. The very center of marriage. I tell couples that as long as Jesus is their center and focus their marriage will be fulfilling and long-lasting. Jesus after all loves both spouses- died and was raised for husbands and wives. Baptized into Jesus each receives the gift of forgiveness. I would have to say that the key to a healthy and long-lasting marriage is forgiveness. When you hurt one another or disappoint one another or fail one another, can you forgive? Yes, I am asking if you can truly forgive one another. This is Jesus’ gift for marriage.
In focusing on Jesus the scriptures show us his teaching on marriage . Now Jesus taught us about marriage in the Bible His teaching on marriage is in Matthew's gospel. Early on in his ministry the Pharisees are intent on tripping him up. To do sothey ask him if it is lawful for a man to divorce his wife.
4"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh' 6So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
-Matthew 19
Did you hear that? One flesh? Yes, a man and woman become one flesh in marriage. Jesus points to God's heart for marriage. He does so by taking us back to the opening of the Genesis where we hear that God created male and female and that a man leaves his family to be joined to his wife and become one flesh with her
For couples united in marriage what does “one flesh” mean?
United sexually…
Sharing possessions…
Sharing financial resources …
Sharing parenting duties…
Sharing emotional concerns and issues …
Sharing friends and relatives …
Sharing each other's sorrows and challenges. …
It is interesting and perhaps surprising to you that Jesus teaches about marriage when asked about divorce. Before addressing divorce he describes what marriage is all about. Later he says that divorce can only take place because of unfaithfulness. One historic note, in Jesus' day a husband could write a certificate of divorce at any time. But, Jesus brings both the husband and wife into the picture here in terms on responsibility and role in marriage.
Not only do we hear his teaching on marriage and divorce, Jesus also attended a wedding during his earthly ministry. He goes to a wedding in Cana with his mother, Mary. There they take part in a traditional Jewish wedding: music, scriptures, prayers, message, vows, and blessings. After the service the music and dancing break out. The food is served and the people celebrate! All the while we can se in our imagination taht Jesus si smiling. Yes, Jesus is smiling. My friends, Jesus is smiling today on marriage. Marriage as an institution of loving commitment. He is smiling on all of us as we honor and support marriages.
In lifting up our theme once again....Living confidently means seeing Jesus present and at work in the power of the Holy Spirit. Yes, present and working in the power of the Spirit to strengthen marriages here and throughout the world. And, thanks be to God, Jesus is with us and working through us in the power of the spirit to meet up with what I will term as the stressors and testers of marriage.
·The stressor and tester of raising children- let’s have a show of hands. How many couples are challenged now in raising their children?
· Job Transition and Loss- when this happens emotions run raw and relationships can be rocked. And marriages tested...
· Significant value differences. When disagreements occur marriage can be strained.
· Fidelity Issues Unfortunately, infidelity does occur in married life. Physically and emotionally and through the internet. The obvious questions are as follows- "Is there another man in your head and heart?" "Is there another woman in your head and heart?"
· Illness and disease- when you are not feeling well, it affects how you husbands and wives relate to one another. It can change your intimacy with each other.
· Moments of hurt and misunderstanding. These too can build up and affect your marriage.
My friends, sin is always at work in our world and in marriage. But, thanks be to God there is forgiveness in Jesus. There is love in Jesus. God tells us that He is present with us in Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit to take on all the stressors and testers of marriage.
Now we are all familiar with the reality of divorce. Some marriages do end in divorce. It could be infidelity or abuse or other differences that get in the way. I am not going to throw out statistics to prove this reality. In Matthew's gospel Jesus says that except for unchastity there are no grounds for divorce. Divorce occurs out of sin. As a result of brokenness. Can Jesus forgive this? Yes, Jesus can forgive any sin, no matter what kind of sin occurs.
Marriage Counseling: opportunities to improve your marriage. You may of course, already be aware of this, but when you feel that your marriage is stuck in a rut or that you are just not doing well in your marriage- get help! Talk with me or sit down with another Christian counselor and get to work, talking about your marriage and working through the problems.
We can turn to the apostle Paul for more perspective on marriage. In the 5th chapter of Ephesians Paul writes about husbands and wives. He says that the husband is the head of the wife and the wife should submit to her husband. Now, if we stop here we have very skewed view of marriage. But, right after this he says that the husband should love his wife as he loves himself. Paul then refers to the same scripture from Genesis that Jesus refers to in Matthew. A man and his wife become one flesh. This is a profound mystery. The husband should love and honor his wife, just as he loves and honors his own body. In the past, Paul has often been interpreted as they that the man is in charge. Period. Yet, if you take a closer look at Ephesians you will see that he takes the husband and wife into account, honoring and loving each other.
Back to the original question I asked at the beginning of my sermon. So, what does it mean to live confidently in the Lord with marriage? What does this look like?
Living confidently in Christ for marriage very simply means “support marriage.” Honor marriage. Build marriage up. I realize that not everyone here today is married, right? Some here today are married. My message today is for everyone in Christ. As followers of Jesus, if we are not married we are still called or challenged to support marriages in whatever way we can. Think about the married friends or acquaintances you might have. How are you supporting them in their marriage? And, how might they be supporting you in your faith life as a single person?
On a lighter note. A couple years ago I attended the 50th wedding anniversary for Curt and Alice. We were gathered in the Fellowship Hall for their reception. I walked up to Curt and asked him, "Curt, how in the world did you make it 50 years in marriage?" He smiled and winked and told me, "why, I've always done whatever she told me to do." Then I walked to the other end of the hall to Alice and asked her the same question, "How did you make it for 50 years?" to which she responded, "Easy. Curt has always done whatever I've told him to do." Pause. Obviously Curt and Alice were still in as much love as ever and could still give each other a hard time.
Personally I've experienced and walked in a strong confidence in our Lord in my own marriage. I met my wife Susan way back in 1982 at St. Olaf College. We both played in the college band and met each other at several band functions. That fall a mutual friend invited us on a double date. We hit it off and went on to date for nearly three years. We married just after I started seminary in Chicago. Our marriage was strengthened and challenged over the year as Susan taught English in community colleges and attended law school and began her first law positions. It also grew by the several moves and calls in which I've served over the last 20 years. Most memorably our marriage has grown and changed through the adoption of our daughter, Laura and the birth of our son, Eric. Like many couple we've experienced the mountains and valleys of marriage, the ups and downs, the joys and the sorrows.
For us and for many married couples a Bible passage stands at the heart of our commitment. It comes from Paul's letter to the Christians in Corinth-1 Corinthians 13 The passage you heard read at the opening of my sermon. One of the most common readings for weddings, this passage is known the "love chapter." It comes right after chapter 12 in which Paul writes about the body of Christ as consisting of many parts such as the eyes and ears and how each part if needed in order for the body of Christ to function. Paul says that the body has many parts or gifts. And, God's grace activates the gifts in everyone to be used to increase the body.
The love Paul writes about here is not romantic love or eros love or specifically love for marriage. No, rather Paul is talking her about agape love or basic Christian love. This is the love that loves another person for who they are and how this love can help keep the body of Christ united.
Like the stressors and testers of marriage, Paul faced his own in Corinth. He took on the issues of sexual immorality, division in the church based on personalities, abuses of the Lord's Supper, and the bragging about spiritual gifts. There were hyper-spiritualists who thought that their gifts were more valuable.
Now, we can still have Paul's words on love help us talk about marriage this morning. Christian love among those who follow Jesus. I say this because the love Paul is referring to here is all about giving. Giving love that is patient. Giving love that is kind. Giving love that isn't jealous. Giving love that rejoices in the good. It is a love that never ends.
My friends, marriage is all about giving to each other. Giving because Jesus has given first to us. Given us love and forgiveness. Given us peace and understanding. Couples promise and God's promise to us.
Out of the entire wedding service the most powerful moment comes when the vows are spoken. Here a couple makes their promise to each other. When I work with couples they have 8 vows to choose from- all worded differently but all include “until death do us part” or for our “entire lives.”
The love of Jesus makes these human vows possible. After all Jesus is FOR US. He died for us. He was raised for US. He walks with us. He guides and inspires us in the power of the Holy Spirit.
How do we live confidently in marriage? My friends in Christ, we can live confidently in Jesus. Knowing and trusting that Jesus is at work in our marriage. Knowing and trusting that Jesus is present in marriages. And, knowing that God uses us all to support marriages around us to help them stay strong.
